The Hidden Costs of Chasing Both Security and Excitement
This post is follow-up to my post introducing the topic of the female dual mating strategy. I feel that my previous post did not adequately address the downsides for women who consciously or unconsciously use this strategy in forging their romantic relationships.
To recapitulate this strategy, in evolutionary psychology, the female dual mating strategy suggests that women are often attracted to two different types of men:
While this strategy may seem like a way to “have it all,” it almost always backfires—and the woman pays the highest price.
–The “safe” provider – stable, reliable, and good for long-term commitment.
–The “exciting” lover – dominant, adventurous, and often less stable but triggering intense desire.
1. Short-Term Thrill, Long-Term Regret
The “exciting” man provides a rush of passion but rarely stays for the long haul.
Many women discover too late that the thrill of unpredictability leaves them emotionally drained, heartbroken, or raising children with a man who isn’t present.
Regret often sets in when she realizes the “boring” man she overlooked is exactly what she needed for stability and love.
2. Emotional Fragmentation
Switching between attraction to one man and commitment to another creates emotional chaos.
It’s hard to feel truly safe or deeply loved when a part of her heart is always somewhere else.
This fragmentation often prevents her from building a healthy, lasting bond with any man.
3. The Provider Sees Through It (Eventually)
Men aren’t blind. A man who feels like a “second choice” or a backup plan will eventually pull away.
Even if he stays, resentment and tension build.
A relationship built on half-hearted attraction is destined to feel hollow—and women often end up losing both men in the process.
4. It Wrecks Trust and Reputation
When a woman juggles the dual mating strategy, it can lead to lies, secrecy, and betrayal.
Even if she thinks no one notices, men often pick up on the energy of divided loyalty.
Once trust is broken, rebuilding it is nearly impossible—and her reputation as someone trustworthy can suffer for years.
5. She Settles—But Never Feels Fulfilled
Many women eventually “settle” with the safe guy after being burned by the exciting one. But if she’s still longing for that thrill, she’ll never feel fully satisfied.
This leads to toxic dynamics like emotional withdrawal, infidelity, or chronic dissatisfaction—all of which hurt her most.
6. It Sabotages True Love
Real love requires wholeness.
It demands that a woman fully choose a man—not as a “safe bet” or a backup plan, but as someone she respects and desires.
The dual mating strategy robs her of that clarity, leaving her in a cycle of disappointment and mistrust.
Conclusion: Wholeness Beats Strategy
Trying to “have it all” with two different types of men is a losing game.
Women who embrace both stability and passion in one healthy relationship—not by splitting them between men, but by choosing a partner they truly respect—avoid the heartbreak and emptiness the dual mating strategy leaves behind.
The truth?
The dual mating strategy might seem like power—but it’s really just pain disguised as freedom.
-The Rational Ram
The Rational Ram 