Preface: My pivot from political posts to philosophy and relationship dynamics wouldn’t be comprehensive enough without commentary about cheating.
No relationship is without the temptations that can lead one or both parties in a romantic relationship or marriage to “step out on” their partner. The cheater often resorts to a common refrain when caught and confronted for their transgressions.
When cheaters are finally exposed, they scramble to control the narrative. They know their actions are indefensible, but that doesn’t stop them from reaching for the playbook of excuses—lines designed to deflect blame, downplay the damage, or manipulate forgiveness.
Here’s the breakdown of the most common excuses cheaters use—and what they really mean.
1. “It didn’t mean anything.”
Translation: If I minimize it, maybe you’ll think it’s not worth ending us over.
This excuse is an attempt to strip the betrayal of emotional weight, as if the lack of “meaning” makes the act less hurtful.
2. “It was just a mistake.”
Translation: I want you to think this was a one-time accident, not a choice.
Calling cheating a “mistake” is misleading. A mistake is forgetting to lock the door—cheating involves decisions, planning, and opportunity.
3. “I was drunk.”
Translation: I’m blaming alcohol so I don’t have to take full responsibility.
While alcohol can lower inhibitions, it doesn’t erase the fact that the person wanted to cheat in the first place.
4. “We weren’t in a good place.”
Translation: I’m blaming our relationship so I don’t look like the bad guy.
This excuse shifts the blame onto the state of the relationship, as if the solution to problems was to betray instead of communicate.
5. “You weren’t giving me enough attention.”
Translation: It’s your fault I cheated.
This manipulative excuse weaponizes guilt, making the betrayed partner feel responsible for someone else’s disloyalty.
6. “It just happened.”
Translation: I’m pretending cheating is like tripping on a sidewalk.
Cheating doesn’t “just happen.” It requires secrecy, planning, and intention—no one falls into someone else’s bed by accident.
7. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”
Translation: I hoped you’d never find out.
This excuse isn’t about protecting your feelings—it’s about protecting the cheater’s ability to continue without consequences.
8. “It was just physical.”
Translation: I hope you’ll see this as less of a betrayal.
By framing the affair as purely physical, the cheater tries to downplay the depth of the betrayal—as though emotional infidelity would somehow be worse.
9. “I love you, not them.”
Translation: I need to convince you I didn’t risk everything for nothing.
This line is meant to make the betrayed partner feel like the cheating was a meaningless fling rather than a threat to the relationship.
10. “I was going through a tough time.”
Translation: I’m using my stress as a hall pass for betrayal.
Personal struggles may explain behavior, but they never excuse choosing to cheat.
11. “It’ll never happen again.”
Translation: I need you to give me one more chance.
Often said without any real plan to change, this phrase is a last-ditch plea to keep the relationship intact.
12. “I don’t know why I did it.”
Translation: I don’t want to admit the real reason.
This is an avoidance tactic. Everyone cheats for a reason—whether it’s ego, opportunity, or dissatisfaction—but saying “I don’t know” avoids real accountability.
The Reality of Excuses
All these excuses have one thing in common: they’re meant to protect the cheater, not the relationship.
A person who truly wants to repair the damage will take responsibility, show remorse, and make changes—not hide behind rehearsed lines.
How to Respond
Demand honesty, not excuses.
Ask direct questions and hold them accountable. Look at actions, not words. Excuses are cheap—real change requires effort and transparency. Don’t take the blame. No excuse justifies betrayal.
-The Rational Ram
The Rational Ram 