Preface: This is a follow-up post on my recently uploaded post on the Greek types of love, which I held in draft for almost a year as I researched the topic to “get smarter” on the subject before completing the post.
This post is a natural follow-up focused on how you, my readers, can use the Greek love types to refine how you can better approach your endeavors in modern dating and cultivate your relationships.
Modern dating often feels like a battlefield—filled with ghosting, shallow connections, and endless swipes.
People crave deep, lasting love, yet many relationships crumble under pressure.
Why?
One reason might be that we’ve forgotten the seven types of love the ancient Greeks understood so well.
Today, we treat love as a single emotion—usually romantic passion (Eros)—and neglect the other forms of love that make a relationship truly strong and enduring.
1. Mistaking Passion for the Whole Picture (Eros)
Modern relationships often start with fireworks. But passion alone isn’t enough. Eros is thrilling, yet it burns hot and fast.
When the initial spark fades, many couples think something is “wrong,” instead of realizing they need to build other forms of love like Philia (friendship) or Pragma (commitment).
The fix: Don’t chase the high of Eros alone. Pair passion with emotional intimacy and shared values.
2. Neglecting Friendship (Philia)
A lot of couples skip the foundation of true friendship. Philia—the deep love of friendship—is what makes partners feel like a team, not just lovers. Without it, relationships lack trust and emotional safety.
The fix: Ask yourself—do you genuinely like each other? Build friendship by sharing interests, laughing together, and supporting each other’s growth.
3. Forgetting Loyalty and Family Bonds (Storge)
Modern culture often prioritizes personal independence over family or long-term loyalty. But Storge—the love of family and shared history—helps relationships weather life’s storms. Couples who lack a sense of “home” with each other often drift apart.
The fix: Create traditions, shared memories, and a sense of belonging with your partner.
4. Losing Playfulness (Ludus)
As relationships mature, many couples forget how to have fun. Ludus—the playful love of teasing, flirting, and laughing—is essential for keeping the spark alive.
The fix: Never stop dating each other. Play games, travel, or surprise one another.
5. Selfishness Over Selflessness (Agape)
Modern love can be overly transactional—“What can I get from this person?” Agape—the selfless, giving love—has been replaced by scorekeeping and ego.
The fix: Practice generosity and forgiveness. Love grows when both partners focus on giving, not just taking.
6. Impatience with Commitment (Pragma)
Too many relationships fall apart when the honeymoon phase ends. Pragma—enduring, practical love—is built on patience, compromise, and shared goals. Today, many people quit when it gets hard instead of building this deeper love.
The fix: Ask, “How can we grow together long-term?” instead of chasing perfection.
7. Lack of Self-Love (Philautia)
One of the biggest reasons modern relationships fail? People enter them without a healthy relationship with themselves. Without Philautia—self-love—people become needy, insecure, or toxic.
The fix: Build your self-worth. A strong relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship.
The Bottom Line
Modern relationships often fail because we overemphasize one type of love (Eros) and neglect the others. A truly fulfilling relationship is multi-dimensional—it blends passion, friendship, loyalty, playfulness, selflessness, commitment, and self-respect.
When we remember all seven types of love, we stop chasing perfection and start building something real.
-The Rational Ram
The Rational Ram 