There’s a popular narrative circulating among young women today—often encouraged by influencers, dating coaches, and even therapists—that says you need to “date around” to “figure out who you are.”
But let’s pause for a moment and question that advice.
Is dating multiple people at once really the best way to discover yourself?
Or is it just another distraction disguised as empowerment?
1. Dating Doesn’t Magically Reveal Your Identity
Dating can teach you about your preferences and boundaries—but it can also distort your sense of self. Especially when you’re juggling multiple people, you may start to shape-shift depending on who you’re with, chasing chemistry over clarity.
Self-discovery doesn’t come from romantic chaos. It comes from reflection, solitude, goals, and personal growth—not trying to “sample the menu” of the dating world.
2. Serial Dating Often Replaces Inner Work
Many women turn to dating as a way to fill a void:
-To escape boredom
-To feel desired
-To avoid dealing with loneliness
To distract from deeper questions:
Who am I?
What do I want?
What do I stand for?
You don’t become more self-aware by losing yourself in a carousel of casual connections. You become more aware by standing still long enough to hear your own thoughts—not someone else’s validation.
3. Trying on Different Men Doesn’t Equal Growth
There’s a myth that dating different “types” of men helps you figure out your own standards. But real standards come from internal values, not external experiences.
Trying out men like outfits in a dressing room may feel adventurous at first—but often ends in confusion, cynicism, or emotional numbness.
If you want to grow:
Read.
Travel.
Start a passion project.
Learn to sit with discomfort.
That’s where self-knowledge actually lives.
4. You Don’t Need a Lineup of Dates to Prove You’re Desirable
Some women feel pressure to date multiple people just to prove they can. But that mindset is rooted in insecurity.
True self-worth isn’t measured by how many people want access to you—it’s measured by how few you give access to.
You don’t need a rotation. You need peace of mind.
5. Dating Multiple People Doesn’t Teach Commitment—It Teaches Comparison
When you date several people at once, it’s easy to get stuck in a constant loop of:
Who gives me more butterflies?
Who texts faster?
Who offers more excitement?
That’s not clarity—it’s comparison. And it often leads to dissatisfaction, second-guessing, or fear of “settling” even when a genuinely good partner is right in front of you.
6. Healing Happens in Wholeness, Not in Pieces
If you’ve been hurt before, it’s tempting to date casually “just to have fun” or “to keep your options open.” But healing doesn’t come from half-invested situations. It comes from building a relationship with yourself that’s solid enough not to need constant external stimulation.
You don’t find yourself in someone’s bed, text messages, or attention span.
You find yourself in stillness, in choosing wisely, and in walking away when something doesn’t honor you.
Final Thought:
You’re allowed to take dating seriously. You’re allowed to want something intentional and real.
You don’t need to “experiment” with a bunch of people to validate your worth or “find yourself.”
You don’t need to confuse yourself in the name of empowerment.
You just need to trust that your value isn’t in how many people you attract—but in how deeply you know who you are, with or without them.
-The Rational Ram
The Rational Ram 