There’s a dangerous illusion that comes with cheating:
That if the affair turns into a relationship, you somehow won.
You got the guy.
You got the girl.
You “beat” the spouse.
You must be special.
But here’s the hard truth:
You didn’t win a prize. You inherited a red flag.
1. You’re starting where someone else got betrayed
No matter how intense the connection feels, remember this:
You’re building your relationship on someone else’s heartbreak.
What began in secrets, lies, and deception will not magically transform into something pure and solid just because the affair partner is now yours.
2. You validated your worth through someone else’s disloyalty
If your self-esteem is propped up by “winning” someone who couldn’t stay faithful, ask yourself this:
What does it say about me that I needed someone to cheat to choose me?
Because if betrayal is the standard, you weren’t chosen above someone else—you were chosen instead of the commitment they already made.
That’s not love. That’s ego.
3. You saw their best lies, not their best self
During an affair, everything is filtered through fantasy.
You only see the version of them that wants to impress you. You see their complaints about their partner, not their accountability. You see their lust, not their loyalty. You see their excitement, not their discipline.
If you think you’re the exception, remember: so did the last person they betrayed.
4. The same cracks will show up again
The justifications they gave you for cheating—“We were drifting apart,” “She didn’t understand me,” “He didn’t pay attention”—will eventually be turned on you.
Why?
Because if they never took full responsibility for their betrayal, they’ll never know how to prevent repeating it.
What someone is willing to do with you, they are capable of doing to you.
5. Real love doesn’t start with destruction
A relationship that begins by tearing someone else down rarely becomes something life-giving.
You may have chemistry. You may have passion. But if trust was never part of the foundation, the structure will never be strong.
And every argument, every insecurity, every delay in replying to a message—you’ll wonder if it’s happening again.
Because deep down, you’ll always know how it started.
Final Word:
If you end up with the person you were cheating with, you didn’t win a prize.
You stepped into a relationship with someone who already proved they couldn’t honor the one they had.
Love that comes at the cost of someone else’s pain is built on borrowed time.
Because no matter how shiny it seems in the beginning, a relationship born in betrayal carries the DNA of deception…
And you’ll always wonder when it will turn on you.
-The Rational Ram
The Rational Ram 