When infidelity happens, the betrayed partner often asks themselves, “What did I do wrong?”
It’s a painful question—and while you are never responsible for someone else’s decision to betray you, there’s a nuance worth exploring.
1. Cheating Is Always a Choice
No matter the circumstances, cheating is never the only option. People can choose to communicate, seek counseling, set boundaries, or even end the relationship before being unfaithful. That’s why the blame for the act itself belongs solely to the one who cheated.
2. Relationship Conditions Do Matter
While you can’t cause someone to cheat, certain relationship dynamics can make the bond more vulnerable: emotional neglect, chronic disrespect, lack of intimacy, unresolved conflicts, or one partner feeling invisible. These conditions don’t excuse infidelity—but they can help explain why a door was left cracked open.
3. The Danger of Self-Blame
Over-owning the blame can trap you in shame and keep you from healing. Instead of “It’s my fault they cheated,” a healthier frame is “Were there areas in our relationship I could have shown up better—and do I want to grow from that?”
4. Shared Responsibility vs. Personal Responsibility
In a broken relationship, both partners usually contribute to the breakdown. But the moment one chooses to cheat, that’s 100% on them. It’s the difference between why the relationship was struggling and why they broke their commitment.
5. Moving Forward
The healthiest takeaway isn’t to obsess over fault—it’s to examine patterns, learn from what happened, and decide what you want in the next chapter. Whether you stay or leave, you can use the pain to strengthen your boundaries, self-respect, and standards.
Bottom line: You didn’t make them cheat—but you can use the experience to make sure no one’s actions ever blindside you again.
-The Rational Ram
The Rational Ram 