The Not-So-Known Debate on Social Media
This question blows up online every time it comes up. A man shows up with food for his kid, the mother has other kids from other men, and suddenly everyone is arguing: Should he feed just his own child—or all the kids in the house?
I present the “case for” and the “case against” in this post and I give my honest, rational opinion at the end.
I will say that there isn’t a right or wrong solution to this type of situation as it really depends upon the people (specifically the co-parents) and the dynamics at play in the situation.
The Case for “Feed Them All”
You’re an adult, not just a dad.
Hungry kids are hungry kids, and if you can prevent them from going without, why wouldn’t you?
It’s about your child’s environment.
If your kid eats in front of siblings who have nothing, that resentment will spill back onto your child.
Feeding them all keeps the peace.
It’s not their fault. The other children didn’t ask to be born into messy circumstances. Punishing them makes you look small, not strong.
The Case for “Feed Just Yours”
Your responsibility has boundaries.
You didn’t father those kids. Where are their fathers? Why should you carry the weight of other men’s mistakes?
Enabling can create entitlement.
If the responsible father picks up the slack, some mothers stop holding the irresponsible fathers of the children who don’t belong to the responsible father accountable.
Fairness cuts both ways.
If the mother only calls you to provide and never calls the fathers of her other children, it shows she’s using your reliability against you and to her own advantage.
The Real Issue Every One In The Comments Overlooks
This isn’t really about chicken nuggets. It’s about choices.
When women have children with multiple men, it creates fractured responsibility.
A woman having children with multiple men is a choice.
When men sleep with and father children with women who already have unstable setups and children with other men, they inherit drama that isn’t theirs.
Sleeping with women who have children with multiple men and in unstable situations is a choice.
Everyone wants to argue about fries, but the deeper issue is the family structure created by poor choices on the part of both parents.
The Middle Ground (My Humble Opinion)
In my humble opinion, if you find yourself in this situation, gentlemen, you should bring food for your child and maybe extra meals for the other children if you can—but don’t let feeding the children who aren’t yours become an expectation on the part of your baby mama.
If the mother weaponizes your kindness, pull back.
If she respects it, you’ll know you’re helping without being played.
After all, it’s the “being played” part that the men in the comments have a legitimate point about.
The jaded, bitter point often made in the comments is objecting to being decent towards children who aren’t yours just so you don’t come off as a simp.
The truth is simple—feeding kids who aren’t yours out of simple decency doesn’t make you weak and doesn’t make you a simp.
However, letting yourself be used by your baby mama by consistently being guilt-tripped into providing for her other children because the other fathers are useless would make you a fool and a simp.
Buying a couple of extra Happy Meals for your child’s siblings on occasion shows that you are secure, mature and see the bigger picture. Namely, your child’s overall happiness.
You are teaching your child basic human decency and empathy, as opposed to selfishness.
Again, there is no right or wrong response to this kind of situation.
My humble opinion is just that, my opinion. It is a reflection of my personal convictions.
People should always do what they think is right in such situations, even if others disagree.
-The Rational Ram
The Rational Ram 