There’s an old saying:
Men marry women hoping they never change. Women marry men hoping they can change them. They’re both disappointed in the end.
It’s not just a clever saying —it’s a painfully accurate anecdote.
Modern relationships don’t struggle because men and women want different things. They struggle because they enter marriage with two different fantasies instead of one shared reality.
✅ Men Choose Based on Who She Is Right Now
Most men marry the woman in front of them—her looks, personality, habits, and energy at the time. They’re thinking:
“I love her just like this.”
“She’ll stay sweet, fun, attractive, supportive.”
“Whatever she is now, that’s what I’m signing up for.”
So when she:
-Stops prioritizing intimacy
-Changes values or lifestyle
-Adopts resentment or entitlement
-Evolves out of the role she originally embraced
He doesn’t see growth. He sees a bait and switch.
✅ Women Choose Based on Who He Could Be Someday. Soon. Hopefully.
Most women don’t marry the finished product—they marry the draft version of a man they hope to upgrade.
Their mindset is:
“Once we’re married, he’ll mature.”
“He’ll improve his income, confidence, health, discipline.”
“I can inspire, shape, or ‘fix’ him over time.”
So when he:
-Stays the same
-Moves at his own pace
-Resists her “improvements”
-Doesn’t become the man she pictured
She doesn’t see loyalty. She sees wasted potential.
⚠️ The Collision: Expectation vs Reality
At some point in the relationship, the bill comes due.
What happens then?
She changes, and he didn’t want her to.
He doesn’t change, and she needed him to.
Neither lied—they just signed up for imaginary versions of each other.
Now they are at a crossroads where they will either adapt and overcome together or fall apart.
Most of the time, the latter is what happens.
And we wonder why the divorce rate is so high and people aren’t willing to marry.
🚩 Where It Falls Apart
Relationships break faster when:
–A woman evolves into someone he never dated
–A man plateaus into someone she never respected
-One grows while the other stays static
–Both assume love is supposed to “adjust itself” after the vows
People don’t fall out of love. They fall out of the illusion they bought into.
When that happens, the relationship dies.
✅ The Couples Who Make It Work Do This Instead
They don’t project. They verify.
They marry:
-Who the person already is, not who they hope they’ll become
–The person who grows and evolves over time with life experience, not who they wish they’d stay forever.
They accept:
-That people grow—and not always in the direction you want
-You can’t “fix” or “freeze” someone
–Commitment doesn’t override human nature
Closing Thoughts 💭
Most marriages fail because each spouse was in love with a version of the other that never actually existed.
If you need them to change—or need them never to—you’re not choosing a partner, you’re choosing a fantasy.
Love lasts when acceptance replaces imagination. And that’s the bottom line.
-The Rational Ram
The Rational Ram 