The graphic that opens this post speaks for itself, but let’s expand upon it anyway…
People confuse intensity, attention, and ego-stroking with love all the time. That’s why so many relationships start hot and end in flames.
Let’s point out the differences between what feels like love and what love actually looks like:
✅ Infatuation vs Investment
Seems like love: Constant butterflies, obsession, can’t-stop-thinking-about-you energy.
Is love: Someone who shows up, plans with you in mind, and stays consistent after the butterflies fade.
✅ Possession vs Protection
Seems like love: Jealousy, monitoring, claiming you like territory.
Is love: Wanting you safe, happy, and free — not controlled.
✅ Attention vs Intention
Seems like love: All-day texting, flirty energy, late-night calls.
Is love: Clear intentions, follow-through, and building something real.
✅ Lust vs Desire
Seems like love: Sexual chemistry that feels “magnetic.”
Is love: Desire that includes respect, care, and admiration — not just access to your body.
✅ Fantasy vs Acceptance
Seems like love: “You’re perfect.” “You’re everything I ever wanted.”
Is love: “I see your flaws — and I’m staying anyway.”
✅ Drama vs Depth
Seems like love: Passion through fighting, breaking up, and coming back.
Is love: Peace, safety, and emotional connection without chaos.
✅ Validation vs Value
Seems like love: Someone who makes you feel wanted.
Is love: Someone who makes you feel seen, cared for, and protected. Someone who chooses you everyday, and not just for intimacy.
✅ Attachment vs Commitment
Seems like love: Fear of losing you.
Is love: Choosing you even when it’s not convenient.
✅ Future-Talking vs Future-Building
Seems like love: “We should travel someday.” “One day we’ll get married.”
Is love: Making plans, taking steps, and aligning lives.
✅ Intensity vs Consistency
Seems like love: Fast feelings, deep talks two weeks in, love bombing.
Is love: Steady energy over time — no performance, no rush.
✅ Needing You vs Choosing You
Seems like love: “I can’t live without you.”
Is love: “My life is better with you — and I choose you everyday.”
✅ Fixing You vs Growing With You
Seems like love: “I’ll save you / change you / heal you.”
Is love: “I’ll support you while you heal yourself — and I’ll do my own work too.”
🔥 The hard truth:
Most people chase what feels like love and run from what IS love.
Real love is quieter, deeper, steadier — and a lot less theatrical than what we’re sold as “passion.”
Buddhism gets a lot of things right.
-The Rational Ram
The Rational Ram 