He’s not a bad man.
He’s not even always an unattractive man.
But he’s invisible in the modern dating market—ignored, overlooked, quietly frustrated, and slowly becoming bitter.
If you want to avoid becoming him—or already see pieces of yourself in this picture—pay attention…
1. He Thinks Effort Alone Deserves Results
The old saying “you get an ‘A’ for effort” doesn’t wash in the modern dating market.
The guy who puts in effort to impress a woman is only admirable on the surface, and then only in his mind or to other men who don’t know better.
The man who goes all out to impress a woman “means well,” but meaning well isn’t a dating strategy.
He buys dinners, gives compliments, shows interest—but expects women to reward him just for trying.
He confuses effort with value.
Women don’t date you because you worked hard; they date you because you stand out.
How not to be that guy:
Stop trying to earn attraction through favors, time, or attention.
That’s called “simping,” and it either turns women off or gets you put in the friend-zone and/or taken advantage of.
Become a man women want, not someone they feel obligated to tolerate. Or someone they can use…
2. He Exudes“Generic Guy” Energy
No edge. No mystery. No sense of identity.
He blends into every room because he hasn’t built anything that separates him from other men.
His job is “okay,” his social life is stagnant, his hobbies are passive (scrolling, streaming, gaming), and his personality has no signature.
If he looks like a generic guy, walks like a generic guy, and talks like a generic guy, then he’s a generic guy.
Generic = Boring
How not to be that guy:
You need a life that’s truly fulfilling, not a curated lifestyle designed to attract women, usually the wrong kind of women.
Traits like focus, ambition, passion, humor, or creativity make you stand out because they are genuine qualities and tend to attract the right kind of women.
Women don’t fall for “nice.” They fall for the authentically distinct.
3. He’s Either Too Passive or Too Thirsty
He waits for women to magically notice him—or he lunges at every woman he finds attractive.
Either way, he gives off the wrong energy.
Passive guys hope female attraction lands in their lap.
Thirsty guys chase so hard they repel the very female attention they seek.
The former relies on hope, and hope is not a strategy. The latter makes a man look desperate or lecherous.
How not to be that guy:
Initiate, but don’t beg. Show interest, not desperation. Express desire, not need.
4. He Doesn’t Understand Modern Competition
He still thinks he’s competing with the guys at his local bar. Meanwhile, he’s in the same dating pool as men with six-pack abs, six-figure incomes, 600 horsepower cars, and able to speak six languages—on the same apps, in the same cities, and in the same women’s inboxes.
In other words, social media and online apps have taken dating global.
You’re not just competing with “Brad from accounting” or ”Bob from apartment 4C” for female attention anymore.
How not to be that guy:
Compete in silence. Level up in reality. Become the man women swipe toward, not past.
Better yet, don’t do dating apps or “slide into a woman’s DMs” at all. Become the realistic but irresistible option that the women around you everyday can see, talk to, and touch in person.
After all, we covet what we see everyday .
5. He Treats Rejection Like a Personal Attack
He thinks every “no” is a judgment of his entire worth.
He internalizes it, grows resentful, and eventually starts ranting about women being the problem.
How not to be that guy:
Rejection is data, not doom.
You learn more about yourself from every rejection. Things you need to learn about yourself to improve.
Don’t take rejection personally. Ever.
If ten women pass on you, they’re not your problem—you just might have a blind spot about some aspect of yourself that you refuse to acknowledge and correct.
It could also just be the person you approached is just not the right person for you.
Rejection is feedback. Learn from it. Don’t fear it.
6. He Thinks Attraction Is “Unfair”
He resents the fact that women have options, but ignores that men, including himself, do too—IF they build themselves.
He wants dating to be easier, not himself to be sharper.
How not to be that guy:
You don’t get to complain about the marketplace you refuse to compete in. Adapt. Upgrade. Build leverage.
Attractiveness is not just about looks.
Character, personality, and presence make a great difference in how women perceive you as a man.
Present an authentic picture yourself and they might see a man they want to date.
7. He Lives in Either Fantasy or Defeat
He swings between two delusions:
“My future wife will just appear someday.”
“Only rich, tall, or chiseled men can win.”
Both beliefs convince him to stay the same while blaming the world for his inadequacies.
How not to be that guy:
No more coping.
No more “someday.”
Build an authentic life that attracts instead of waiting for fate to deliver.
That doesn’t mean projecting a shallow, curated lifestyle like the manosphere preaches. That only attracts shallow women.
Like tends to attract like and real women want to see the real you. The operative word here is “real,” and real isn’t going to look like an IG model.
So What Does the Non-Struggling Man Look Like?
He’s not perfect—he’s intentional.
He has:
-A life before love — friendships, ambition, momentum.
-Standards, not desperation.
-A body that’s maintained, not neglected. And no, you don’t have to look like a bodybuilder or a fashion model, just healthy and well-groomed.
-Social skills that come from practice and being well-read, not wishful thinking.
-Self-respect, so rejection doesn’t crack him.
-A mission, so women are drawn to his sense of life direction.
–Most importantly—he’s not chasing validation. He’s selecting the woman that fits into his world.
The Bottom Line
The man who struggles in the dating market isn’t doomed. He’s just unprepared, unfocused, and unrealistic.
The market didn’t reject him—he showed up with nothing to offer that is obvious to the market and with unauthentic and unrealistic expectations.
Don’t be that guy.
Build. Improve. Differentiate. Lead with your real identity, not insecurity.
Because the invisible man stays invisible—until he becomes someone worth seeing.
-The Rational Ram
The Rational Ram 