Because your heart knows the truth, but your hormones won’t admit it.
Attraction Is Loud. Love Is Quiet.
Most people think they’re in love when really they’re in:
-Lust
-Obsession
-Trauma bonding
-Fantasy-building
-Attachment hunger
-Validation addiction
In modern dating, lust wears love’s clothes, and most people can’t tell the difference until the crash.
This checklist is provided to help my readers to (hopefully) tell the difference.
If you’re brave enough to go through it honestly…you’ll know exactly what you’re feeling.
LOVE vs LUST CHECKLIST
If you check more items on the “lust” list, you’re not in love — you’re in heat.
1. How You Think About The Other Person
LOVE
-You imagine a future, not just moments
-You think about who they are, not just what they look like
-You admire their character
-You can see their flaws and still feel stable
-You feel calmer when you imagine them, not anxious
-You care about their wellbeing more than your ego
-You’re curious about their mind, not just their body
LUST
-You fantasize more than you reflect
-You fixate on the physical
-You barely know them but think about them constantly
-You ignore red flags because the attraction is strong
-Your thoughts spike anxiety or excitement — nothing in-between
-You want access to them, not responsibility
-You don’t care about their values as long as you get the high satisfied
2. What Happens When They Disappoint You
LOVE
-You slow down, communicate, and try to understand
-You’re willing to work through conflicts
-You still respect them
-You don’t withdraw affection to punish
-The bond feels stronger after resolving issues
-You fight for the relationship, not in it
LUST
-You pull away instantly
-You feel “turned off” after realizing a single flaw
-You get irritated or bored with them easily
-You think about moving on instead of working it out
-You use silence, distance, or attention-seeking to regain power
-You resent responsibility, effort, or vulnerability
3. What You Want From Them
LOVE
-Their time
-Their trust
-Their emotional presence
-Their growth
-Their peace
-Their vulnerabilities
-Their full humanity
You want to build something.
LUST
-Their body
-Their attention
-Their validation
-Their novelty
-Their excitement
-Their availability
-Their mystery
You want thrills and experiences, but you don’t necessarily see them as marriage material.
4. How You Act Around Them
LOVE
-You’re yourself — unfiltered but respectful
-You feel safe, grounded, and emotionally open
-You listen
-You slow down
-You try to understand them deeply
-You become more intentional
-You reveal who you really are
LUST
-You perform
-You hide your flaws (and ignore their flaws)
-You exaggerate confidence
-You chase highs
-You avoid deep topics (or you feign discussing deep topics because you are running game)
-You want to impress more than connect
-You reveal only what increases attraction
5. How Your Body Reacts
LOVE
-Warmth
-Soft excitement
-Comfort
-Safety
-Ease
-Steady emotional presence
-Desire that deepens over time
This is the affection that builds homes.
LUST
-Adrenaline
-Obsession
-Tension
-Urgency
-Possessiveness
-Dopamine spikes
-Desire that fades once you get what you want
This is the rush that leads to the eventual regretful mistakes are built upon.
6. How You Feel When You’re Apart
LOVE
-You miss them in a calm way
-You feel secure
-You trust them
-You look forward to reconnecting
-Your life still feels whole in their absence
LUST
-You crave them like a substance
-You feel restless or anxious
-You get jealous for no reason
-You replay interactions in your mind
-You feel like life “pauses” until you see them again
7. How You See Their Flaws
LOVE
-You notice them but don’t panic
-You want to understand them
-You lean in
-You adjust expectations reasonably
-You stay because you accept their flaws
LUST
-Their flaws instantly drop the attraction
-You get annoyed with them quickly
-You think, “I can do better”
-You detach
-You ghost or fantasize about the next option
Lust has the attention span of an hyperactive five year old.
Love has the patience of a gardener.
8. What You Fear
LOVE
-Losing the connection
-Hurting them
-Not showing up fully
-Failing to build something meaningful
-Letting them down
Your fear is centered around the value of the relationship.
LUST
-Losing access
-Losing attention
-Losing the high
-Them getting bored
-You getting bored
-Them choosing someone else
Your fear is centered on control over the relationship.
THE FINAL SCORE
If most of your checks landed on LOVE…
You’re building a relationship, not an addiction.
Protect it.
Nourish it.
Grow into it.
If most of your checks landed on LUST…
You’re not in danger — you’re in denial.
Enjoy the chemistry, but don’t confuse it for commitment.
Lust burns fast.
Love endures.
If it’s 50/50 or mixed…
You’re in the transition zone.
This is where most relationships either evolve or explode.
What you do next decides which direction you go in.
Closing Thought 💭 The Difference Is Simple
Lust is hunger.
Love is nourishment.
Lust consumes.
Love builds.
Lust is loud.
Love whispers.
Lust wants the body.
Love chooses the soul.
Lust fades when it’s satisfied.
Love grows when it’s challenged.
-The Rational Ram
The Rational Ram 