If love were enough, half of you wouldn’t be sobbing on TikTok, writing breakup essays, or “healing your inner child” after dating someone you knew damn well was never aligned with you.
Men and women in this day and age tend to make terrible decisions when looking for love, and even after finding it.
Not because they can’t feel genuine love, but because they keep choosing people based on completely superficial things.
Most people today make the same mistake that people in our now-idealized past made.
They tend to choose people who are hot, exciting, chaotic, or convenient…instead of people they can actually build a life with.
Building a life with someone requires alignment (there’s that magic word again).
Let’s talk about alignment for a moment…
“Alignment in relationships refers to the degree to which partners share similar values, goals, and emotional needs.”
You can marry the hottest girl on the planet, but if you want children and she doesn’t, then you’re already starting out with an irreconcilable difference. A fundamental misalignment
I type the following with complete confidence…
100% of divorces and breakups are the direct result of misalignment.
Let’s examine this issue further with a breakdown from both a male and a female perspective.
1. Men: You date for looks. Women: You date for vibes. Both of you date for dysfunction.
Let’s keep it real…
Many men fall in love with a woman whose entire financial plan in life is “I hope he pays.”
Many women will fall in love with a man whose entire emotional skill set is “I might call you tomorrow.”
Both sides fail to grasp the nascent misalignment they are attempting to build a relationship upon.
It’s self-inflicted stupidity.
Alignment requires standards. Love requires nothing but hormones and wi-fi.
Standards should begin and end with a person’s character and behaviors, not whether he makes six figures or whether she’s hot.
2. Men: Stop thinking love will fix immaturity. Women: Stop thinking love will fix instability.
Men keep dating “projects” and acting shocked when the relationship feels like they’re raising a second child.
Women keep dating “potential” and acting shocked when the man who demonstrated zero consistency when they met them actually gives them zero consistency when dating them.
Love doesn’t cure a person who is:
Broke
Bitter
Unstable
Insecure
Unmotivated
Emotionally unavailable
Attention-addicted
Lacking life direction
Alignment can prevent you from hitching your wagon to the person who has these issues.
Of course, nobody thinks about alignment.
Excitement and dopamine hits don’t promote rational thought when it comes to romantic relationships.
Alignment requires rational thinking.
3. Men choose chaos, then complain about the ensuing drama. Women choose excitement, then cry about the inevitable consequences.
Men who get burned by the unstable “fun girl” love to say, “She’s crazy.”
Sir, you didn’t want peace—you wanted a rollercoaster ride because peace feels boring to you.
Women burned by the “exciting guy” who won’t commit love to say, “Men ain’t emotionally mature.”
Ma’am, you weren’t attracted to maturity—you were attracted to a man with more red flags than a Chinese Communist Party parade.
Love didn’t betray you. Aligning with the wrong person did.
4. Men ignore compatibility. Women ignore reality.
Men don’t check for alignment because they’re blinded by beauty.
Women don’t check for alignment because they’re blinded by fantasy.
Men:
“You’re gorgeous, I’ll make it work.”
Women:
“He’s a mess, but I can change him with love.”
Both:
“We broke up because we weren’t right for each other/we grew apart.”
No.
You broke up because you weren’t aligned.
5. Alignment forces you to grow. Love allows you to be lazy.
Love lets you coast on feelings.
Alignment demands:
-Accountability
-Maturity
-Self-awareness
-Discipline
-Shared goals
-Real communication
-Emotional intelligence
-Actual effort
Most people prefer love over alignment because love doesn’t require you to fix your flaws.
Alignment exposes them. And neither gender enjoys exposure.
6. Men want loyalty without leadership. Women want stability without sacrifice.
Men complain that women aren’t aligned with their “vision”—but half the time their “vision” is nothing but vague ambition and inconsistent effort.
Women complain men aren’t aligned with their expectations—but half the time their expectations require a man who is stable, disciplined, and financially competent while they themselves bring nothing but chaos, entitlement, or a lack of self-regulation.
Love lets people demand more than they give.
Alignment forces them to match what they expect.
No wonder people choose love and ignore alignment.
It’s easier.🙄
7. Love dies where alignment never existed.
Breakups often get framed as tragedies.
They’re usually just the natural consequences of choosing with emotion instead of intention.
The relationship didn’t “fail.”
It simply reached the end of what misalignment can tolerate.
Love wasn’t the problem.
The choices you made while high on love were.
Closing Thoughts 💭
Love is fireworks. Alignment is architecture.
Fireworks will impress your friends for 10 seconds.
Architecture will keep you safe for 10 decades.
Most of you are out here building marriages with fireworks.
You shouldn’t act shocked that your relationships keep fizzling out.
Fireworks are a temporary thrill that and everyone wants to watch the show for a few minutes.
Architecture starts with a firm foundation, the finished product lasts for generations, and is admired in posterity.
Which one do you want?
-The Rational Ram
The Rational Ram 