His & Hers Edition
Dating isn’t broken. The advice propagated on the internet and amongst single people in person is.
People pass along clichés like family heirlooms, never stopping to ask if the idea actually works.
Most of the “rules” modern singles follow don’t lead to commitment, connection, or love. They lead to confusion, insecurity, and misery.
Here are the top ten pieces of terrible dating advice people keep recycling.
One list for women. One for men. Both equally destructive.
Part I: The 10 Worst Pieces of Dating Advice Women Give (and Receive)
1. “If he really wanted to, he would.”
Good men show interest differently than players.
Good men are genuine. Players are performative.
This advice confuses emotional availability with theatrics.
Good men are emotionally available. Players rely on theatrics.
The former is real. The latter feels like “passion.”
News flash: It isn’t.
2. “You can do better.”
A self-esteem Band-Aid that inflates expectations and erases accountability.
If you’re always looking for better, you’ll overlook the “better” you’re looking for while it’s right in front of you.
3. “Never text first.”
Connection dies when you protect your ego more than the conversation.
4. “Don’t settle.”
Often code for “hold out for a fantasy man who doesn’t exist.”
This phrase keeps single women single and breaks up marriages every day.
5. “Make him chase you.”
Manufactured mystery attracts hunters, not partners.
It also an illogical line of reasoning. A partner should already have you, so he shouldn’t have to chase you.
The reality is that you want novelty to “chase” you perpetually. This is desire for a dopamine rush, not a relationship.
6. “Keep your options open.”
This leads to emotional clutter and distracts away from men who actually want you.
It also assumes that men are static and don’t have options of their own.
It promotes the narcissistic delusion that every man you would want will always want you.
7. “Never date a man who makes less than you.”
You don’t need a trophy. You need reciprocity and character.
You’re supposed to build with a partner, not meet readymade men at the finish line.
Men who have a substantial income and are also single and ready to commit are rare.
A man making $50k a year today might still be building. You might want to consider building with him rather than looking down on him.
Measure a man by his demonstrated ambition and resourcefulness, not just his current income.
8. “High-value women don’t explain themselves.”
Healthy relationships require communication, not cryptic behavior.
9. “Men should know what you want without you saying it.”
No they shouldn’t. Nobody should, or could.
People are not mind readers.
10. “If you’re not obsessed with him instantly, he’s not the one.”
Instant chemistry is often trauma bonding wearing perfume. Some women confuse chaos for passion or chemistry.
Part II: The 10 Worst Dating Advice Men Give (and Receive)
1. “Never show emotion.”
This creates emotionally unavailable men who sabotage healthy women and undermine a man’s dating success.
There is huge difference between stoicism and being (or appearing to be) emotionally unavailable.
The former shows that you can control your emotions. The latter is either a sign of game (bad) psychological pathology (worse).
It’s a myth that women are collectively attracted to emotionally unavailable men. The women that are attracted to such men are damaged, not healthy and stable.
2. “Just focus on money and everything else will follow.”
Money improves your options. It doesn’t improve your character.
Money attracts more gold diggers and transactional people than it does genuine people looking for genuine connection.
If you don’t have the self-discipline and emotional intelligence to screen women, you’ll miss the good women and select the “exciting” gold diggers.
This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t keep your mind on your money and build your finances, but this piece of advice implies that you should lead with your wallet, which is never a good idea.
3. “Spin plates until you find the right one.”
“Spin plates” = “keeping multiple women on rotation.”
Men get addicted to options and forget how to actually choose.
4. “Nice guys finish last.”
Not necessary bad advice, but it is bad because it is often given in a misleading manner.
“Nice guys” are actually doormats.
Good men are confident, respectful, and have emotional intelligence.
Doormats finish last. Good, respectful, confident men win.
So the real advice is to be a good man, not a nice guy.
5. “Don’t commit until you’ve slept around.”
This turns intimacy into a scoreboard and ruins your ability to properly pair bond.
I might add that women also receive this colossally bad advice.
Experience with multiple partners doesn’t make you better. In fact, it undermines your ability to commit since promiscuity often promotes an addiction to novelty.
6. “Any woman who likes you too much is suspicious.”
Healthy women give clear signals. Jaded men misinterpret everything as a trap.
7. “Never date a single mom.”
Blanket rules are for boys. Men evaluate individuals.
Just because a woman is a single mother doesn’t mean she’s looking for a man to take advantage of.
This is manosphere fear-mongering.
8. “Always maintain the upper hand.”
A relationship isn’t a competition. Power games kill connection.
9. “Women don’t really want good men; they want excitement.”
Women collectively want emotionally present men who live with purpose, not chaos.
A woman who is addicted to chaos because she confuses it with passion or excitement is not an emotionally healthy person, and obviously is not representative of women as a whole.
Emotionally healthy women want and seek out good men.
Reason #1 why good men are hard for women to find. Many are already taken.
10. “If she doesn’t treat you right, just replace her.”
Men who constantly replace never build anything.
Besides, no couple is happy all of the time, so unless she does something that clearly warrants ending the relationship, it’s more prudent and mature to communicate and work through things.
Closing Thought 💭
Bad advice keeps good people single.
There is no shortcut, no hack, no perfect line, and no magic amount of emotional detachment that will improve your luck in dating.
Healthy relationships come from clarity, communication, self-awareness, and courage.
If you want a love life that works, stop listening to people who either can’t find a relationship of their own or can’t keep a relationship together.
That’s the blind trying to lead the sighted.
-The Rational Ram
The Rational Ram 