This post is a continuation of my previous post outlining the reasons the Millennial generation are finding suitable dating and marriage options difficult to obtain.
I ended that post by pointing out the general truism that women cannot, and often do not, submit to men simply because they are men, but rather submit to the accomplishments of men. I further postulated in the epilogue of that post that women often undermine their own dating and marriage prospecting efforts because they do not incentivize quality men to want to bear the burden of performance for them.
I further postulated that the cause of the problematic marriage and dating behaviors of the Millennial generation is the 50+ year long (and counting) prevalence of single parenthood in this country.
This post focuses on the men raised in single parent homes, the deleterious effects on those many of those men as a result, and how to correct it at the individual level.
The vast majority of single parent homes are headed by single mothers. I preface what I am about to say by mentioning that I am not casting aspersions on single parents in general or on single mothers in particular. However, cause and effect is not easily or logically argued against, and in this instance, it is difficult to argue against the fact that children thrive best in homes with an actively engaged, live-in maternal and paternal influence. A woman is simply ill-equipped to teach her son how to become a quality man.
I further preface that I am not making value judgements on single parent homes in general or single mothers in particular. Personally speaking, I am the product of a single parent home headed by a single mother. My father passed away due to complications from a hip replacement surgery when I was four years old, so I spent the majority of my childhood being raised by my single mother.
To say that my childhood life was challenging because of this situation is an understatement. However, a person’s life circumstances as a child do not have to negatively influence their adult choices and actions or negatively define their destiny. I succeeded in life because I did not fold due to the cards life dealt me. I stayed in the game and learned the game. In fairness to my mother, she instilled in me the values established by my father and surrounded me with masculine examples (my uncles) who passed on to me what my father could not. It is from this perspective that I write this blog post outlining the problem Millennials are facing in dating and marriage and I proffer a solution to that problem.
With the preface out of the way, now on to outlining the problem…
The problem with men raised in single mother homes is that they tend to exhibit feminine tendencies that undermine their attractiveness to women. I must point out that by “feminine tendencies”, I do not mean “gay” or “homosexual”.
A few examples of feminine tendencies exhibited by men raised in single mother-led homes are as follows:
-Many young men raised in single mother-led homes tend to think their personality and sexual prowess are enough to be considered desirable by women and therefore define their value to women based on those things alone.
-These same young men tend to focus more on their own looks and manner of style (their so-called “swag”) than on their accomplishments.
-These men tend not to be producers, but rather look to have women be the primary provider/producer in their relationships. In other words, they do not mind and are actually comfortable with their woman being the primary breadwinner.
-These men tend to lack the efficacy to take control over their own lives. They are reactive, not proactive.
-They lack ambition, ergo, they lack means, but they have the expectation that women accept them as they are without any plan for self-improvement and become exasperated and upset when women reject them for being goalless and rudderless, often characterizing the women who reject them as hypergamous “gold diggers” and other unflattering terms.
The solution to this problem for men who display this behavior is to work towards becoming a man of means.
A man of means is a man with options.
Becoming a man of means is not as daunting or arduous as one thinks. Especially in this country.
You do not have to make a million dollars to become a man of means. In fact, becoming “rich”, as I point out in a previous post (“How To Get Rich”), is quite relative. As I mention in that post, being rich simply means having enough wealth and resources to meet your needs many times over. If you earn at least twice the median income level for where you live, you are considered rich. If the median income where you live is $50,000 a year, if you make $100,000 a year, you are rich.
Of course, being rich is only one aspect to becoming a man of means. Men of means are also men of value. Success is an outcome of value. Value is a quality and quality makes you desirable.
In short, a man of means starts out as a quality man. Quality men possess certain traits:
-They are well-read and intellectually curious; able to hold a conversation with anyone about a wide range of topics. Many women are sapiosexual by nature (look it up…).
-They have cultivated value as opposed to just intrinsic value. All human beings have intrinsic value on some level, very few have cultivated value.
-They have their own confident sense of style and are presentable. If you as a man only have one suit, do not know what a Windsor knot is or how to tie one, and do not know the difference between eau de parfum and eau de toilette, then you should take the time to work on your personal appearance and appeal.
-They are assertive and decisive. Not in the rude and aggressive sense, but in the confident and logical sense.
Many of these traits are not just good to have to attract and cultivate relationships with women, but are valuable tools to succeed in life. These traits require iteration and discipline to cultivate in yourself, but are not impossible to achieve.
The problem is that most men raised in single mother-led homes lacked the template or example in their childhood development to cultivate such traits as they grew into adulthood. And therein lies the problem…
As I mention at the beginning of this post, your childhood circumstances do not (or more accurately, should not) define you as an adult.
It is never too late to cultivate quality within yourself. Quality men become men of means and men of means become men with options.
More to follow…
-The Rational Ram