I posted two previous blog entries laying out the problems Millennials are facing with dating and marriage in today’s sexual marketplace. Those posts focused mainly on men, but there are a number of behaviors that many women engage in that undermine their efforts to find suitable men. Below, I outline five ways women (mostly Millennial women) undermine themselves in the sexual marketplace…
1. Social media
Women tend to use social media to solicit external validation from both men and women. However, in seeking external validation from men, women often paint a picture of themselves that is not as flattering in the eyes of quality men as they might think.
Many women, knowingly or unknowingly, attract the wrong kind of male attention, ergo, the wrong kind of men. Often, the salacious and provocative photos that these women post of themselves to social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram do not attract quality men, but rather the same “thirsty”, low-quality men who would normally approach them in an awkward and crude manner at a bar or a nightclub.
While the dopamine-inducing “likes” and digital catcalls might seem nice and flattering, the truth is that women who seek attention through social media are not getting the genuine attention they want from the kind of men they truly desire.
High-quality men tend not to give “unearned” female validation, especially in reaction to racy social media posts. In fact, such posts from women tend to elicit the opposite reaction from quality men since it projects a vain need for attention as opposed to projecting confidence.
2. Dating apps
Dating apps, like Tinder or Plenty of Fish, are (in my opinion) extensions of social media, in that they detach people from their basic humanity through technology and reduces dating to browsing in a “digital sexual marketplace”.
Dating apps reduce men and women alike to caricatures, judged almost solely by their profile photographs. Photographs that may or may not be an accurate representation of their true physical appearance.
While a person’s physical appearance is a very important attraction point, it is hardly the only very important attraction point. In fact, judging a person solely on physical appearance and an easily contrived dating profile is not only shallow, but potentially dangerous, especially for women. Meeting a stranger on the Internet is just as dangerous as meeting a stranger in person.
Dating apps are probably more accurately called “hookup apps” or “sex apps”, because that is typically what these apps are used for. Aside from the many fake profiles, scams, and the general shallowness of dating apps, quality men do not seek out quality women via dating apps. Ladies, if you are using dating apps in your search for a quality man (as opposed to just “hooking up”), your chances for success are virtually nil.
3. Contrived independence
The “Ms. Independent” attitude that many women like to assume and live by these days, and actively and prominently promoted in our media, is probably one of the biggest obstacles to finding a quality man.
Let me preface what I am about to say by saying that I am not attacking strong, independent women. However, in being “strong and independent”, many women fall into the trap of being too in touch with their masculine side, so enamored with cultivating their careers or convincing themselves that “they do not need a man” that they forget how to act feminine.
Finding a quality mate is a proactive process. Many strong, independent women fail to approach men under the false assumption that they are the ones who should be pursued by men, they should not, under any circumstances, do the pursuing.
Additionally, there is a common perception these days that women are less approachable. This perception is especially applied to the aforementioned strong, independent, career-oriented women, who are often fully engaged in their drive for upward mobility.
Many of these women display a “resting bitch face”, making them appear quite unapproachable to men. For those of you who do not know what “resting bitch face” is, it is an often unintentional facial expression made by women in which they unknowingly give the impression that they are irritated, annoyed, or angry, especially when they are in actuality relaxed and not irritated or angry.
4. Unrealistic expectations
If you have never heard of the “six sixes”, then here is primer for you…
The six sixes represent the six “qualities” or “requirements” that many women ostensibly want in a man before they consider that man a quality dating/mating/marriage prospect:
-Six months out of their last relationship
-Six inches “down there”
–600 horsepower car (it really is not about the car’s horsepower so much as it is about the fact that 600 horsepower cars are not cheap, so just think any quality sports car or luxury car with a lot of power, no Chevy Avio or Nissan Leaf cars).
-At least six feet tall
-Have at least a six-figure income
I think it is self-evident how unrealistic this list is and I do not think women in general subscribe to the “six sixes”, but there are in fact women who do have some or all of these requirements for men, even if they are not quality women themselves.
Just to pick on the last two requirements on this list, roughly 20% of American men are six feet tall or taller and only 6% of Americans earn at least a six-figure income.
Those two requirements alone severely limits a woman’s dating prospects. If these requirements are indeed deal-breakers for some women, these women should seriously reevaluate their requirements. Invariably, the 20% of men who are six feet tall or taller includes men who are already taken, in prison, gay, or otherwise undesirable and the 6% of Americans who have at least a six-figure income includes men that are under six-feet tall and of course, other women.
5. Party/hookup culture
This one goes without saying. If you as a woman are still “sowing your wild oats”, then finding a quality man is going to be rather difficult and keeping a quality man virtually impossible.
Bottom line: If a woman wants a quality man, she has to be a quality woman, willing to compromise by having realistic standards that are based upon realistic expectations, and be willing to make the first move if necessary.
-The Rational Ram