The Burden of Performance

For my readers who follow me regularly, the movie quote and the message behind it is something you are familiar with because I often repeat some version of it when it comes to the subject of male-female interpersonal relationship dynamics…

Men bear the burden of performance.

To the ideologically-inclined (read: blinded to reality by their ideology), this fact of life sounds quite sexist, but it isn’t.

So what do I mean by men bearing the burden of performance?

Let me preface the answer to the question by saying that men and women have different hardwiring that feminists, men’s rights activists (MRAs), and MGTOW followers (Men Going Their Own Way) feel is at odds with each other rather than being complementary. I posit that men and women are by nature complementary to each other and in our modern society, many of us (too many of us) have bought into the narrative of the independent woman and emasculated man that the media propagates and simply ignore our masculine and feminine synergy.

Many MRAs and MGTOW/”red pill men” complain about female hypergamy and women being emotional creatures.

Women are emotional and hypergamous for a very good reason…

They bear the burden of bearing offspring, nurturing and caring for said offspring, maintaining the ability to attract suitable mates who can…

Protect, provide, and procreate (provide “good genes”).

All three of those things require a man to perform and be competitive and bear the burden of performance. To complement men, women must be more tuned in to the emotional needs and the well-being of other women, their significant other, and most importantly, their children.

The natural focus for men is to be competitive and develop the skills to provide a good life. The natural focus for women is to nurture.

This is why the Don Corleone quote from the movie The Godfather is so profound and comes off as pejoratively condescending in this day and age to some people.

It seems to suggest that women can be careless (or carefree) because they have men to protect and provide for them, like in the idyllic, romanticized, “good old days” when the patriarchy ruled and women “knew their place”, read: at home in the kitchen and the bedroom, as if women should have no power or authority over their own lives.

There is nothing wrong with women’s rights and women taking on traditionally male roles in the workplace. There is nothing wrong with women being leaders. I personally know and have worked for women who were great leaders and tremendous mentors, so obviously, not careless people and my post does not advocate a return to the romanticized patriarchies of the past (and in the present in many countries in the world).

However, as I’ve mentioned on this blog before, far too many women undermine their own happiness because they are far too invested in their masculine energy while simultaneously and subconsciously desiring men who are in tune with their own masculinity and are aware of their natural instinct to provide, protect, and procreate by bearing the burden of performance.

The problem isn’t strong, independent women wanting to supplant men, but rather emasculated men who make excuses for their ineptitude and blame society (and feminists) rather than looking inwardly towards themselves.

In my experience, many of these MRAs and MGTOW followers are men who feel emasculated because they have been jilted by women, traumatized by a divorce or a bad breakup/experience with a woman or simply can’t get the type of woman they feel they “deserve” out of a sense of entitlement, usually the kind of woman that he may or may not perceive as “out of his league”.

These men don’t want to bear the burden of performance. They want what they want without expending too much effort.

Of course, nothing in life worth having ever comes easily or cheaply, a fact of life these so-called men tend to overlook.

All of the above said regarding men does not absolve women who have unrealistic expectations about men or an inability to give a man a reason to want to bear the burden of performance on their behalf.

Our western tendency toward dichotomous thinking precludes our ability to understand that we can do more than one thing at a time or hold two thoughts in our mind that might be at odds with our personal philosophy, our chosen ideology, or our perceived best interests.

For men, keeping yourself in good physical health, improving your life and work skills and spending time with your family is not something you stop doing just because you married your wife two years ago and paid for the wedding. You can’t get fat off of beer, pizza, and sports and stop doing what made you attractive to your wife to begin with. The guy she might cheat on you with will certainly use your complacency to his advantage. High-value women don’t tolerate men who aren’t on their game for very long.

For women, keeping yourself in good health, looking beautiful, submitting to your husband as head of the house (assuming he’s doing what he supposed to be doing as a man) and giving your husband a reason to want to come home everyday isn’t something that stops unless the man gives you a fair reason for stopping it, such as physical or emotional abuse or abusing or neglecting the children. The woman your husband cheats with will surely use your complacency to her advantage if you have a high-value man.

As Chris Rock said in one of his standup routines, only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally, men have to bring something to the table. Women need only be ready to reward the men who stay on their purpose.

I know this is true because I’ve yet to meet a truly happy woman in a relationship with a man who doesn’t work, but I know plenty of truly happy women who have a man who doesn’t require them to work.

This is why women and children can be careless, but not men.

That is to say that real men cannot afford to be careless…

-The Rational Ram

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