Source of photo: https://time.com/4339209/masculinity-crisis/
Let me preface this post by saying what should be self evident…
Men and women are different.
I believe most of the problems we see in our society today are the direct result of political and societal efforts to blur the lines between masculine and feminine roles in the name of equality.
As I have said in previous posts, I am not suggesting or advocating a return to a male dominated patriarchy, such as what we had in this country in the 18th, 19th, and early 20th centuries. However, I am saying that men and women need to fully embrace their masculine and feminine sides respectively and realize that men and women are complements to each other, not in opposition to each other.
Since I am a man, I write the following from a male perspective and I primarily address men with this post, hence the post title, with femininity addressed tangentially.
So what exactly is “immature masculinity” and “immature femininity”?
Rather than cite some psychology periodical or give a generic definition of what immature masculinity is, my definition of the term is male behavior, especially towards women, that is more self-serving, childish, naive, emotional, and petulant than it should be for a grown man.
Immature masculinity prioritizes short-term pleasure without regard to long-term consequences. Immature men tend to have, or at least seek, multiple sexual partners which leads to an inability to commit to relationships and often results in multiple children born out of wedlock to multiple women. These are the men who become deadbeat fathers. These “men” also tend to lack ambition and thus are not good providers, financially or emotionally, to their significant others or their children. These traits are typically, but not always, indicia of a low-quality man.
Ironically, these men tend to act more feminine than masculine.
Even within relationships, these immature males either project false bravado by “demanding respect” from their significant others rather than earning it by bearing their burden of performance as men or allow themselves to become passive “kept men”.
The immature male fails to realize that women are attracted to masculinity, not femininity. These immature males are incapable of taking the leading role in their relationships. Women, high-quality women anyway, want their men to lead (not dominate like a dictator, but lead) the relationship. A humorous example of this female desire for men to lead in the relationship is the oft-posted meme of “deciding where to have dinner” or “where to go on vacation”. These are joint decisions, to be sure, but women don’t want the equivocation that immature males tend to display in the decision making process.
Women tend to react to immature masculinity by engaging in immature femininity.
Immature femininity is defined (again, my personal definition) in much the same way as immature masculinity. It is characterized by self-serving, petulant behavior and is typically the hallmark of a low-quality woman, but not always. Women tend to nag, engage in manipulative and controlling behaviors, and even become promiscuous in response to immature masculinity.
If her man isn’t going to act like a man, and society tells her that she doesn’t really need a man anyway, then her natural instincts will lead her to tap into her masculine energy more to compensate.
The problem really comes down to this…
Men need to embrace their masculine energy and women need to embrace their feminine energy and seek those who do the same.
The modern discourse between men and women is the result of the debate over whether social role theory and culture influences gender roles or whether masculine and feminine roles are dictated by innate biological imperatives.
I won’t delve too far into the minutiae of this debate, but I will say that the fact that men are attracted to pulchritudinous, fertile, and feminine women, and conversely, women are attracted to men who are masculine, have good gene indicators, and are good providers (or at least demonstrate the potential to be good providers) is entirely biological. Ergo, what men and women want from each other is entirely biological, so attraction is based on science, not culture.
The some of the tactics used to proffer the western world’s agenda to achieve gender equality actually undermines rather complements male-female interpersonal relationships by encouraging men to be less masculine and more feminine and women less feminine and more masculine. Pop culture and media narratives propagate this trend.
The future of men and women alike can only be preserved by all of us recognizing that men and women are a team. We complement each other. We are different creatures that happen to be part of the same species. Embracing this fact is what should be encouraged. Men should act like men and women should act like women.
Mature, not immature…
-The Rational Ram